WAS GOD ALWAYS THERE – WAS I TOO BUSY TO PAY ATTENTION?

My sister and brother seem to remember our childhood experiences so differently than I do; they make it sound like we never lived together. Seeing life through a different set of eyes does explain the depth of our personal, political, and emotional differences and is a clear indication of why it appears we are from entirely different backgrounds.
At my father’s funeral, in a casual conversation, I learned why there has always
been a wall between my sister and me. She believed my father had liked me more than he liked her -- sad and definitely untrue, but my father was not there to tell her the truth of the matter. I guess like all of us, especially children, the need to be loved is strong, only love feels and looks different to each person and this interpretation leads either to an unhappy life, or one of security.
My affection for my father flowed deep as did his affection towards me. It was as normal as breathing. I believe my mother and sister were jealous of this relationship. It was through my father’s wisdom, past down to me, that I developed a sense of worth. It was these seeds he planted in my mind that protected me in the days to come.
I married young and divorced young, leaving me a single mother of a two year old daughter. This experience made me realize that if I did not change my life style I would end up in another “routine marriage,” for the rest of my life, even though I intuitively knew this was not what I wanted. I knew I had to change me. My father may not physically be here, but he will never be gone.
My life had been so complicated up to then, with so many unusual circumstances and decisions to make, which I never felt capable of doing. As I look back now, I find it difficult to believe that I alone was able to come up with these correct answers. My decisions would either lead to a successful future, or sad failure. Was there an unseen force guiding me?
Now began the task of seeing my real self, my responsibilities for my daughter, my future life, interests, and those duties I could not shed. I never was successful trying to be friends with my sister, yet I had no difficulty striking up a friendship with strangers, especially those who stimulated my interests in serious reading, discussions, music, and the world around me. In this process, my new acquaintances convinced me I was more interesting than the way I saw myself. I began to realize I was more than just a people pleaser, who took care of the details for everyone.
At just the right time, my future husband showed up. Born in Finland, a Military
Intelligence officer in the American army, on his way to Europe, during World War II. Both of us were divorced, and each had one daughter. It only took three dates before we both realized we had fallen in love, but did not reveal it. I did not expect to hear from him again when he left for his responsibilities in Europe, I was wrong. Before he even reached Europe, his first letter said: “When I return, if we both feel the same way, I will ask you to marry me…” He did, and we were married as soon as he returned.
When I met my future husband he also saw qualities in me that my friends had seen. This was exactly what I needed, someone with a different viewpoint, who saw me differently -- through his Finnish European background. Together we began to develop serious interest in news, politics, music, art. I also learned to listen to serious discussions even if I did not have enough knowledge to follow them. Slowly, over the years these people and focus groups became a major part of our life.
This would be just the beginning of a life filled to over flowing. Our 50 years of marriage took us around the world, meeting Heads of State and political leaders from Israel, Germany, Scotland, France, Italy and Finland.
Was it by chance that everything fell into place or was God always there guiding my steps, even when I was too busy to pay attention?