The Value of a Mentor

Many people, did not have parents who where equipped to be a mentor as well as a provider. Even if this was true for our childhood, this lack doesn’t mean we are left fending for ourselves. It is perfectly fine to acquire mentors on our journey. Mentors can provide the emotional sustenance our parents couldn’t give us while they were providing other things like a roof over our head and food to eat – very important provisions. This is not to say parents can’t be mentors, just that there is room for both.

A problem comes into play when we try to substitute our mentors as our parents, forcing us to stay locked to our past, and limiting our emotional growth. More times than not, a mentor can say the same things our parents did, but it sounds better and we have less resistance to follow their advice. Following good advice, no matter whom it comes from, usually produces good results.

Most of us have at least one deep problem - our attitude about ourselves, which effects how we relate to others? This attitude can be either end of the spectrum – too little self esteem, or too much self-vibrato, you know the kind of people who think they are all that and a bag of chips. We all need to find a happy medium when it comes to self-esteem.

If you don’t like yourself, it’s very hard to extend joy to those who do. This attitude often reveals itself in jealousy and verbal tear-downs, causing strife in relationships. We have all seen the other extreem on American Idol, where people who clearly can’t carry a tune in a bucket, lash out at the judges who don’t pass them on to the next round. “They don’t know good singing when they hear it! They are so stupid!” We who are watching this show of stupidity, are not thinking it’s the judges who hold that title. For the most part, we see others as we see ourselves.

This takes us back to the heart of the problem – resistance to change, or following good advice. Living in past pain or glory, stunts our emotional growth. Rehearsing our past over and over again causes fixation instead of maturation. A good mentor can help refocus our thoughts. In a healthy mentoring relationhip, the future and all of its potential should be the focus. Denial of our weaknesses/struggles does not always serve us well.

Fortunately, today we have a plethora of Life Coaches who are trained just for that purpose. We also have books, recordings and for those of us who are blessed, a real live person who invests their wisdom into our lives.