The Three "Me's"

The Three ‘Me’S”

I saw my life in the form of three distinct people:
The original me before the accident.
The injured me I had lived with for almost 35 years after the accident,
The new me of today.

In the first “me”, happiness filled my life with the person I knew so well and liked. In the second, it was filled with anxiety and sadness and someone I did not know -- and did not like. In the third, a new me emerged ... one who began to show signs of the me I had tried so hard not to lose, as if she knew how badly I needed and wanted her.

Slowly, imperceptibly, I was sure she was trying to come back. I now rarely feel her, but others do and constantly surprised me when they tell me they do. Even people who see me for the first time seem to be aware of her – the pre accident me. This situation is so strange to me. The injury has so much control over my body; it is so subtle -- it is outside my reach. I had always thought of life as a continuation of daily experiences to prepare one for facing the future, creating anticipation and hope, as one looks forward to the future.

Since the accident, daily experiences were more devastating, than not. It was my good fortune that the healthy past came back in the form of memories, which helped me remember the normal, happy, healthy, emotional feeling of joy I had lost after the accident. Somehow, my memories and emotions reminded me “normal” was somewhere, but it did not tell me why it was unable to help me stimulate it.